Saturday was kind of a debacle. I blame myself. It was my idea to get a group of people together to go to the Northern VA beer festival. I was the one who sent out the emails. I was the one who called to make sure that everyone would be ready to go that afternoon. So when things spiraled out of control, I had nobody to blame but myself.
Actually nothing really happened at the actual festival. It was just a precursor to the hijinx which ensued later that evening. Any time that you start drinking dark beers prior to 6 PM, things are not going to end well.
So fast forward to about 11 PM. We are at the local bar next to my friend’s house (which is THANK GOD closing- I have been in protest of this dirty smoky hole for years!). But when you get the right group of people together it can be secretly kind of fun. We meet the rest of our posse and are having a really good time.
Now there is one guy in our group that is really nice. He is in his older than I am, in his thirties and he is smart and nice enough. But the man looks like Jack Black and Hurley from ‘LOST’ had a love child. And he has a mustache. A creepy child molesting gross nasty mustache. I do NOT do mustaches. Who does? In other words, this guy is NOT attractive. But he is really nice. So I assumed my talking to him would not be taken in the wrong way … I mean there is no way he would think I would be attracted to him. We are friends, right?
Fast forward a few more hours. Everyone has dispersed to their respective homes or wherever they landed that evening. I am sleeping at my friend Lynn’s house that evening since it was clearly not going to be a good idea for me to drive. So is Jack Black lookalike. And there is only one extra bed. Fabulous.
Let’s preface with the fact that I sleep in bed with my guy friends all the time and don’t think anything of it. And since my thoughts and feelings about JB as so plutonic of course I don’t care if he shares the bed (again why drinking for over 8 hours is a BAD plan). It’s a king – there is plenty of room. I can share.
That is when it happens … he tries to make out. There is an attempt to touch and then I feel an attempted ‘stache come at me. Gross, gross, gross!! Finally I ward off all mustache attempts and was drunk enough to just go to sleep. But really!? Really?!
Now maybe I am giving off some slutty vibe these days but it was totally inappropriate behavior. There has been no reason whatsoever for this guy to think it would be okay to try to hook up with me. I am SO not like that. And I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I am about 100 times hotter than this guy. No joke. Not even in a bitchy way – but he really was misinformed.
I really have to check the vibe I am giving out these days because this is not the first unprecedented makeout that has happened lately – the weekend prior things went down. When one of your good friend’s boyfriends tries to touch you, that is equally inappropriate. Honestly, what are these guys thinking!!!???
All I have to say is: I am scarred. How could Jack Black on Crack lookalike think that was okay? Actually Jack Black would have been a hottie compared to this guy.
I literally got a little sick while sitting in my cube still contemplating the darting ‘stache in the darkness this afternoon. WHY?
Needless to say, I will now be going on timeout from any social situation JB is possibly going to be in. And I REALLY hope that nobody gives him my phone number. That will not end well.
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