Girls Are Sluts

Girls are sluts. I don’t know how else to put it. Total sluts.

It’s kind of crazy that it took me 25 years to actually come to this conclusion. In fact, all of my close friends in high school ended up being huge undercover hooks. And I cannot say that all of the girls who I associated with in college were totally innocent (read: football groupies).

But even though my entire life has not been surrounded by church going, pearl wearing virgins … I never thought that girls had ulterior motives. Until recently. This is when I started actually listening to my guy friends.

The pinnacle of my decision came this weekend.

Let’s take example #1. One of my good friends, Kenny, was “set up” with this girl about 2 weeks ago. By “set up” I mean that they text a few times and then she came over and slept with him … without a condom. Really? Now maybe I am just being a prude. But you have never met this guy ever and you are just going to come over and SLEEP with him. And if you are doing that with one person, you are probably doing it with other people. So you can at least wrap it up… thank you.

The other example came this past weekend as well. There is a girl that sometimes hangs out with our group. She works with one of my friend’s girlfriends. Now, don’t get me wrong this girl is perfectly nice. But she is a Real. Big. Girl. If I had to guesstimate, I would say that she weighed about 300 pounds. This is no exaggeration.

Now RBG’s (Real Big Girl’s) weight would not impact anything normally but the first time that she hung out, she hooked up with one of the guys in our group, Frat Boy. Again not a big deal but Frat Boy is not exactly known for treating women well. In fact, I have seen him go through a lot of girls in the past who liked him.

So now RBG keeps trying to hang out and is following around Frat Boy – who looks to me for protection when we are out. (OK- we MAY have made out a few times… I told you that is how I roll). But this time it was different. RGB is on a MISSION. She wanted Frat Boy. RBG proceeds to get wasted at the bar.

So let’s fast forward to the late night tip where things get wild. This is when RGB has gone into a rant about her dildo, BP (Brad Pitt) and her BC (Booty Call) - This girl honestly uses more abbreviations than I do - who she met on Plentyoffish.com. The BC who she is not attracted to but sleeps with anyway …. Now let’s keep in mind that this girl is not the best catch in the world. And I am still a virgin?

Her rants continue about how all of her customers are always satisfied (as she looks to Frat Boy for confirmation and he nods in shocked agreement). She continues to go into the fact that sometimes you just need to “get yours.” She even used the “P Word” multiple times. When she looked to me for female agreement, I sat there … mouth agape.

I guess my takeaway from this conversation is that #1: Girls are sluts. #2: I am almost secretly proud of RBG. Even if she is a Real. Big. Girl. At least she can be totally honest about her sexuality … I just don’t ever want to have to hear about her dildo again.

PS- Later that night RBG rolled off of one of our friend’s beds and cried herself to sleep. Not the proudest moment … but at least she still has her BC.