No Fatties, Thank You

So this online dating thing is not exactly panning out as anticipated. I should have gotten the memo on day #1 when the first person to ping me asked me to go to YouTube and watch a video of him. Feeling like this could be inappropriate I was a little taken aback when the results were a small Indian man dancing to “Sexy Back” in his office taken by a co-worker with a cell phone camera.

I thought that “Sexy Back” was possibly a fluke so I politely chatted with him and then signed off. Things had to only go up from there, right? Boy was I wrong …

NO WHERE in my profile does it say “I love fatties and baldies without a college education … bonus if you have been married before. Oh and if you are my height or shorter, you will definitely win my heart.” Unless someone hacked into my account without my knowledge and has tampered with my “About My Date” section, I don’t know why these guys would contact me. Ballsy.

Another note to guys on an online dating site: I don’t want you to call me every day. We barely know each other. And on top of that, noooo I do not want to go on a date with you the first day after we talk. Can’t we email? When did men lose all their game? And flirty text messages = wayyyy too much for talking on the phone only once prior. Oh and when we hang up on the phone … do not simultaneously IM me. I will not respond. (Note to self: DO NOT give out number anymore.) So now I cannot sign on IM and have to screen all my phone calls. I cannot even sign into the online dating site because there is a secret IM service on there.

It’s all a little overwhelming. There are TONS of guys hitting me up … it’s almost impossible to weed them out. Am I missing someone in my haste? It really is a lot to manage. How do you politely say “No, thanks” … I feel so bad.

I should not be insulted; I mean at least SOMEBODY is interested. Maybe I just think that I am more attractive than I am and in reality my soulmate really is someone with the screen name “Top Heavy DJ”- I really hope not. At least I only signed a 3 month contract.