To New Beginnings

Things have gotten a lot better for me over the past few weeks. My rage blackouts at RG have become few and far between and I have started to look to the future. It is a great feeling … I don’t know if it’s the new meds I ended up having to take or the fact that the abusive man I was involved at has moved out of my home. Maybe it is both?

Although, somehow I always find the crazy doctors. In my quest to better myself and get through this time, I have sought the help of a psychiatrist. A lot of women who have dealt with domestic abuse have suffered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and need some sort of mental health plan. So, of course I go the route where I can look for someone to give me some good pills. But I also want to make sure I never get duped into an abusive relationship again.

Let’s just say, that only I could find a psychiatrist this out of control. She is older with a shorn lesbian haircut dyed a bright, bright red. Her suits are always a bit too tight and missing a button or have some sort of McDonald’s snack wrap stain on them and when I turned around the other week to say goodbye, she was openly picking her front wedgie … I can honestly say that this is not something you want your mental health provider to do in front of you. Then again, sometimes she looks like she is stoned and about to fall asleep during some appointments.

Regardless, I am starting to feel like a whole new person. Going to the Domestic Violence group has been really eye opening. These women’s lives are ruined by abusive men. One woman, D, has been abused for 40 years (she is only 47) and her husband shot himself while sitting next to her on her bed – now she is homeless and just does not want to lose her cat – which attacked her. Even D’s cat is abusive. Another woman was assaulted at Disney World with her two children. A third woman is foreclosing on her home after she and her daughter were assaulted after 15 years of emotional abuse and she called the cops, resulting in her husband losing his job.

It is interesting because these women are all in different stages. Some are angry and bitter. Some are hurt and sad. Many are just plain scared. I can identify every single feeling these women are having and it makes me mad that someone could treat another human being like that. But listening to some else say it has given me so much perspective. My life is not ruined and I am not going to let it happen.

I am lucky because my friends supported me through all of this and helped me to get out of it. They even had a party for me last weekend and totally redid my condo to purge all the memories of RG and it looks AMAZING. I know it has been hard for them but they are the reason I can get through this and become a better person.

Some of these women have no friends and no place to go. I cannot even imagine how that would be.

Maybe I was supposed to go through this. So I can help someone. If I could help just one woman through something like this, it would be amazing. I know how hard it is and you cannot explain it. I don’t think that means I should adopt D and her cat just yet (although the thought did cross my mind). But I can assure you, I will never ever allow anyone to treat me like this again and I will make every effort to help other women who are in a situation like this.

It is also a little exciting to be single again. I can do what I want and when I want and not worry about anyone else. So I think that this summer is going to be awesome.